Dirty Jokes

Q: What parts of a woman do men like most? A: Some guys are butt guys, some guys are boob guys, and some guys prefer looking at the tops of heads.

I went into a clothing discount store to buy a hat. I’m trying on these different types of hats, and there was an old guy following me around the store — he’s like 80 years old, and he’s staring at me. He really looked like a pedophile. And I’m like, …

It’s time for the employees of my local video store and the rest of the citizenry of the United States of America to recognize who I am — I’m Jerk-Happy Bob.

I’m a 31-year-old, college-educated, married man in need of a sexual outlet ’cause my wife is out of town, or she’s working late, or she’s in the other room reading intently — I don’t care anymore.

I tried to stop the first day or two of our marriage, and I promise you, my nuts ballooned quicker than Oprah in a Krispy Kreme.

Do I get a little jealous when my single friends come to me with wild stories about exotic nights with strippers? Sure, but at the same time look at all these model ships I’ve been able to build.

There are some nights, when it comes to sex, I’m like one of those goldfish you used to win as a party favor…. Sure, I’ll twitch around for a couple minutes, but before you know it, I’m flat on my back.

Q: How are blondes like pianos? A: When they’re not upright, they’re grand.

Q: What did one of the blonde’s legs say to the other one? A: “Between you and me, we could make a lot of money.”

Q: How are blondes and computers similar? A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.