Dirty Jokes

What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? “Honey, no in-between meal snacks!”

Q: What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?A: Use more lube.

Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, “My dad can blow smoke rings.” The second boy said, “My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose.” The third boy said, “Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his butt.” The …

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard. One day, Bob tells Tom that he can tell what any piece of wood is just by smelling it. Unbelieving, Tom blindfolds Bob and proceeds to test the theory. The first piece of wood Bob smells, he instantly identifies as …

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ”What is that?” ”They’re smart pills,” said the other boy. ”Eat them and they’ll make you smarter. So he ate them and said, ”These taste like crap.” ”See,” said the …

What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y – because you gotta leave your bags outside!

Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths? A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry …

What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t even leave a hole.

An old woman walks into a sex shop, shaking.