Dirty Jokes

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.2. Play must be permitted by the owner of the hole.3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course …

I’m like a child living by myself. I leave stuff on the stove while I’m sleeping. I wash my ass with the same rag I wash the dishes with.

A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.Suddenly, the man jumps up …

Do you ever go in the bathroom after someone has, shall we say, ruined the ozone? I was in one the other night. It was like Satan was in there before me: all the mirrors cracked, the wallpaper’s peeling off the wall, the toilet paper roll’s going around by itself. …

An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.

“How are your hemorrhoids?” “Swell.”

I got a hangover. I’m stupid. I went out last night, and I started out the night shooting tequila, then for some dumb reason, I switched over to Goldschlager. Woke up this morning and pooped a Mexican coin.

I really miss being a kid. Sometimes I’ll poop my pants to remember what it’s like.

Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?A: A redhead with a yeast infection.

What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!