Dirty Jokes

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, “I’ve found the girl that I’m gonna marry! And she’s a virgin!” Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. “There’s no way you’ll marry that girl! If she aint’ good enough for her own family, she ain’t good enough …

Q: Why can’t girls play hockey? A: Their pads can’t last three periods.

An old woman goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, “I need to do stool, blood and urine tests.” The woman says, “Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour.”

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, “I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 10 times since I’ve been here, and I bet you didn’t even notice!” The doctor says, …

Two women are digging in the garden. One pulls out a foot-long carrot and says, “This one reminds me of my husband.” The second woman replies, “Your husband’s is that long?” Her friend answers, “No — that dirty.”

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what’s going on and his mother tells him, “We are making fishsticks”. The next day the kid says, “Mom were you making fishsticks again?” And she says “Why, yes, how did you know, honey?” And the kid replies, “Well, you have …

Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, “Hey, do you mind? I’m eating here.”

Q: How does one human embryo talk to another human embryo? A: It uses a stem cell phone.

Your fart was so loud that astronauts in space mistook it for a message from Houston!

Q: Why are men like laxatives? A: They irritate the crap out of you.