Dirty Jokes

Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. “Well,” said the Englishman. “I support the Liverpool football club, so I’ll eat the liver.” “I support the Hearts club,” said the Scotsman. “I’ll eat the heart.” …

Ladies, let’s be real. You don’t dress like that because you don’t want us to look. You don’t put the word ‘juicy’ on your ass and not expect us to read it. And, by the way, that is the worst word. If your ass is juicy: see a doctor. That …

You guys ever have that dream where you’re peeing, and you wake up and you’re peeing? That’s like the most comfortable sleep you’ll ever have.

Q: Why are drummers like laxatives? A: They irritate the s**t out of everyone.

One good piece of advice my parents gave me when I was growing up is ‘Always doo-doo before you leave the house’ — which is some of the reason why some of you are not laughing too hard now.

Two men both drag their right feet as they walk.As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969.” The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog crap, 20 feet back.”

Joe frequently attends his church Bingo club, and every week, a gag door prize is given out. One week, Joe is presented with a toilet brush. “What the hell is this?'” he asks the pastor. “Why, it’s a toilet brush.” “Oh, I see,” says Joe. A couple weeks later, the …

A woman walks into her doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I need to lose weight fast.” The doctor replies, “Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt.” Two months later, she comes in and says, “Doctor, it’s a dream come true. I’m half the size …

Some advice for guys: When the red river’s flowin’, take the dirt road.