Dirty Jokes

Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control? A: A trip without the kids!

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous woman eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of its socket towards …

Q: What’s the difference between love and herpes?

What’s the difference between basketball and sex? In basketball you dribble before you shoot!

Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with his mistress naked in bed. As he was kissing her red, red lips, he stopped. “To kiss your red lips, I need red wine.” So he poured red wine over her lips and continued to kiss her. He moved on to her …

I know it doesn’t look like a lot to you ladies, but believe me, we do a lot of crap for that: fight wars, build bridges, pay cover….

I remember my first sexual experience: back seat of my dad’s car. I was young; I was in love; I was alone. No, not quite — Dad was driving. He was pissed. It’s a small car, and the top was down.

I’ll vote for the first person that just admits to anything. First person they walk up to and go, ‘Excuse me, did you sleep with that woman?’ ‘Yeah! What’s up, baby? How you doing, girl? Yeah, I slept with — I’ll sleep with her again! What’s up, baby? What — …

If I’m ever in the military, I want to be in an all gay platoon… My theory’s pretty simple: I want the guy covering my ass to think my ass is pretty cute. I want them fighting for more than just country here, you know what I’m saying?

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sex. The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests. The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, “I finally did it! I’m no longer a virgin.” The guy …