Dirty Jokes

Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma’s house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, ”Grandma, what big eyes you have!” Grandma: ”The better to see you with, my dear.” Little Red Riding Hood: ”Grandma, what big ears you have!” Grandma: “The better to hear …

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things. Her mother asked, “Where are you going, Lil’ Red?” Red said, “To grandma’s.” Her mother said, “Okay, but watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. He’ll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and freak your little …

Little Johnny walks into his dad’s bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.Little Johnny asks curiously, “What are you doing, Dad?”His father quickly replies, “I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the …

Little Johnny’s father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.“I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.Confused, his father asks what’s wrong.“Oh, Dad,” Little Johnny sobs, “first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you’re …

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the …

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his …

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, “What are you doing?”His father says, “We’re playing cards, and your mother is my wild card.”A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, “What are you doing?”His father says, “I’m playing cards.”“Where’s your wild …

Little Johnny comes home one day and says, “Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!”“What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?”“No,” says Johnny. “It’s salty.”

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.She replies, “Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question.”Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.Again his mother replies, “Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question.”The boy then asks, “Why did Daddy leave you?”To this, the mother says, “You shouldn’t ask that,” and sends him …

While the teacher was conducting her class, Little Johnny yells out, “Teacher, teacher, I have to take a piss.” The teacher, shocked, replies “No, Johnny you may not because you did not raise your hand. And I will speak to your mother for using that word.” So Little Johnny raises …