Dirty Jokes

Little Johnny’s class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an “advanced” vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with “A,” Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he’ll say, “ass” so she calls on …

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, “F**k this,” “F**k that.” The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,”You shouldn’t swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us.” “Is he in the sky?” asks Johnny. “Yes,” …

Q: What do you have when you hold two green balls in your hand?A: Kermit’s undivided attention.

You’re like, why can’t I meet a real gentleman this day and age? Well, maybe we can’t find them ’cause they’re all hanging out in that exclusive club. They’re in there opening doors for each other, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’

Women, we like to be romanced. We like to be wined, dined — maybe there’s a single rose and some dancing — and then we feel close enough to you to have sex with you. Men, on the other hand, like to have sex with you; then they feel close …

Come on, I haven’t four-scored in seven years!

Can I leave my hat on?

Look, we can debate this all night.

I’ve got the beginnings of a log cabin in my pants.

Let me know if my beard tickles.