Dirty Jokes

Q: What did the leper say the the prostitute? A: Keep the tip.

Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

Q: What did the left leg say to the right leg?

Two lawyers are walking down the street, when a beautiful woman walks by. “Boy, I’d like to screw her,” says one lawyer.

Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, “Honey, I’m going to give you a night you’ll never forget.”They make passionate love with an ardor they haven’t felt in years. When they’re done, Bob asks his wife, …

I have an Apache buddy; he’s real slow, they named him: Runs Like a Cow. His brother’s fast, they named him: Flying Eagle. His sister had nine kids, they named her: Spread Eagle.

When I was 14, he sat me down, said, ‘Larry, someday you’re gonna meet a girl who’s gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you’re not even gonna haggle over price.’

I guess I feel a little more mature. I’m not embarrassed going to a drug store anymore to buy a condom. Although, the woman behind the counter said, ‘Save your money; buy a lottery ticket.’

He goes, ‘I’m afraid of homosexuals.’ And I keep thinking, ‘What are you afraid of? What are you afraid they’re gonna do — sneak in and redecorate the place?’