Dirty Jokes

Q: In the Navy, how do they separate the men from the boys? A: With a crowbar.

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.“Why do you want a glass of cider?” the teacher asks.“To take away the pain,” sobs the little girl.“What do you mean?” the teacher asks.“Well,” sobs the …

What do you call a person who can sit on an ice cream and tell the flavor? A smartass!

Three women talk about their husband’s performance as lovers.The first woman says, “My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love.”The second woman says, “My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes.”The third woman …

How is a hurricane like a marriage? At the beginning there’s a lot of blowing and sucking, and when it’s over your house is gone.

Q: What did the farmer say when he read that genetic engineers were implanting human DNA into goats?A: “Hell, I’ve been doing that for years.”

Dear Pamela Anderson, guess what two things are never on when I watch you on television: the volume to the TV and my pants.

A young man got a new job running the register at a store. The old store owner said he would teach him how to up-sell.“Watch how I do it,” he said to the new hire.As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to …

How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin!

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.“Just think,” the old man says, “we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago.”“Well,” the old lady snickers, “what do you say — should we get naked?”The two immediately strip to the buff …