Dirty Jokes

How do you stop a dog who’s humping your leg? Whack him off!

I love creature comfort. That’s why when I’m coming off a relationship, I like to shave my left leg. That way when I roll over at night, it feels like there’s a woman in bed with me.

I read in the paper a couple of days ago that the number one thing that guys say when they get picked up for soliciting prostitutes is they say that they were asking for directions. So that means conversations like this are taking place outside my house: ‘Excuse me, ma’am, …

What is six inches long with a head on it, that women like to blow? MONEY.

Q: What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? A: Woman doesn’t accept 3 1/2 inch floppies.

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling …

Q: What do you say to a man with five penises? A: “Your jeans fit like a glove.”

Q: What two men’s hobbies require the most hand-eye coordination?A: Video games and porn.

In the mood for a blow out?

I love bangs — and I don’t just mean the haircut.