Long Island — if you’re from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.
Přečíst celý »Californians & Granola Bars
Q: How is California like a granola bar? A: They both contain nuts and flakes.
Přečíst celý »California
Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Hella.
Přečíst celý »Buried Lawyers
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?A: Not enough sand.
Přečíst celý »Bucket of What?
Q: What’s the difference between a bucket of crap and a mother-in-law? A: The bucket!
Přečíst celý »Bryan Tucker: Freak Show
My favorite part about the state fair is the freak show. You ever see that? Where they have, you know, the Woman With No Head or the Lizard Boy? But where I came from in rural North Carolina, it was kinda different. It was like, ‘Behold — the Woman That …
Přečíst celý »Bryan Gutmann: Don’t Get That Guy
There’s a lot of people I don’t think I’ll ever get, but always number one on the list is the I’m Gonna Peal Out of This Parking Lot Guy.
Přečíst celý »Bringing in Religion
Man: You’ve brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn’t believe in Hell.
Přečíst celý »Brian Kiley: Related to These People
I’m not too crazy about my relatives. I love my immediate family. But don’t you look at your relatives, and you can’t believe you’re actually related to these people? I give blood four times a year just so I’m less and less related to these people.
Přečíst celý »Brian Kiley: My Brother’s Name
When I was a kid, I had this one aunt who used to always call me by my brother’s name — I mean, a million times, every time I saw her. Finally, I just snapped. I said, ‘You are the biggest simpleton idiot pinhead I’ve ever met.’ She got all …
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