I just did a show at a country and western bar, and — this is true — I had been onstage, like, a minute and a half when I heard: ‘Never come here again!’ And I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, did I just say that out loud?’
Přečíst celý »Bald Bubble
Are you really that bald, or is your neck just blowing a bubble?
Přečíst celý »Bad Lawyer
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?A: Senator.
Přečíst celý »Auggie Smith: Not the Booze’s Fault
No matter what your problems in life are, I assure you: it is not the booze’s fault. Let’s get this straight once and for all, OK? You know what? If you’re a jackass when you’re drinking, it’s because you’re a jackass.
Přečíst celý »Arkansas State Residency Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Relationship with …
Přečíst celý »Arkansas Dentists
Q: Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas? A: Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
Přečíst celý »Ardal O’Hanlon: American Emphasis
There’s such a great emphasis, here in the United States, on looking good and feeling good — usually at an enormous expense to your personality.
Přečíst celý »Arceneux & Mitchell: On Michael Jackson
I can remember when you were a little, short black boy with an afro. Now, you are a tall white woman with a perm.
Přečíst celý »Antique Shop
Yo’ mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked, “What’s new?”
Přečíst celý »Anthony Szpak: James Van Der Beek
I just can’t compete with what Hollywood says is hot now for the ladies and stuff. My last girlfriend was totally into James Van Der Beek. Why? Remember when Hollywood hunks were supposed to have some kind of looks or something?
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