Lookin’ Good Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, “How come you ask …

It was traumatic for me — not as traumatic as turning gay.

I start shaving myself, and with every stroke, it’s looking more and more pathetic down there, you know? It’s like, ‘Oh my God, I look like a 12-year-old boy.’ So, you know, I left sideburns.

An 80-year-old man tells his wife, “I’m going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”

Yo’ Mama is so fat, yo’ daddy is still climbing back off.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor for a checkup. She says, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”The doctor asks, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”The lady frowns. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to …

I recently got a fake tattoo on my arm, which is cool. I got one of those iron-on kinds. It’s real cheap, it’s cool — it’s a flaming skull inside a giant red burn mark.

I don’t even have hair anymore — I have hairs. Do you understand the difference? When you have hair, you can style it. When you have hairs, you can count them.

Here we are starving ourselves to death for two groups of people that wouldn’t want to screw us anyway.

An elderly couple sets sail on a romantic cruise. Unfortunately, as the ship leaves the dock, the wife’s hearing aid falls out and rolls overboard. Then, the old couple find bunk beds in their suite. The husband sourly thinks, “Damn! She can’t hear a thing AND no sex for a …