Can you help me pick out a design for my next tattoo?
Přečíst celý »Tracy Smith: Doctor’s Appointment
I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday. I’m not even sick — it’s just that I’ve been working out, and I want someone to see me naked.
Přečíst celý »Tracy Smith: Body-Conscious Sisters
I have five sisters — just body-conscious to the point of ridiculousness. My youngest sister was in a car accident one summer; now she’s OK. The girl was in a coma for two weeks, hooked up to all these machines, fighting for her life, and we’re at her bedside going, …
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Fat… Vending Machine
Yo’ Mama is so fat, I put a quarter up in her ear, and she spat out a packaged snack cake.
Přečíst celý »Tracy Smith: At 34 Years Old
I’m 34 years old. I thought I’d be divorced by now.
Přečíst celý »Tracy Smith: Any Surgery Imaginable
You can get any kind of surgery imaginable in this town, too — and they do it — holy sh*t: Botox and collagen and vaginal rejuvenation. Oh my God, what — vaginal rejuvenation? How the hell do I know when that looks old? Who do you trust with that question? …
Přečíst celý »Tracy Esposito: As An Italian Girl
I can never be on that reality show ‘Survivor.’ They would vote me off ’cause the moustache would grow in.
Přečíst celý »Hal Sparks: On the Phone With IKEA
My day was terrible. I spent six hours on the phone with IKEA technical support. It was six hours of this: ‘Um, can I speak to someone who isn’t Swedish? Yes, I was assembling the Klorn entertainment center, and I’ve become trapped inside.’
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Fat… Tolls
Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she worked as a prostitute, she also collected tolls.
Přečíst celý »Hal Sparks: Botox
Do you guys know what Botox is? Women are injecting botulism into their face to paralyze the muscles that cause facial expressions that give them wrinkles. WHAT?!
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