It’s not weird to see naked people. We see nude people all the time — you know, cable and R-rated movies — but those people in the movies have been pre-approved to be naked. They went through a casting director or something. Everyone gets on the nude beach. It’s not …
Přečíst celý »George Miller: Bragging About Age
I like elderly people, unless they brag about their age. ‘Look at me. I’m 94 years old.’ ‘Well, good, that means you’ll be passing away soon.’
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Fat… Three Little Pigs
Yo’ Mama is so fat, if she were one of the three little pigs, she’d say, “Not by the hair on my 26 chins.”
Přečíst celý »Tim Bedore: Playing Softball Over 30
Let me give you some advice. If you’re over 30 and you play softball, don’t dive for anything. The dream is over, let it go.
Přečíst celý »Tie Required
A guy gets stopped by the bouncer at a nightclub. “You have to wear a tie,” the bouncer tells him. The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck and goes back to the club. The bouncer lets him in …
Přečíst celý »Gene Pompa: Ex-Smoker Weight Gain
I quit smoking cigarettes about a year ago. I gained 18 pounds. So, now I have to wear a lot of black so no one knows what a big hunk of pig I turned into. No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds. It’s really starting to …
Přečíst celý »Three Hymns
One Sunday, a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.After the offering plates were passed, the pastor noticed that someone had contributed a $100 bill. Extremely grateful, he …
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Fat… The Gym
Yo’ Mama is so fat, the only thing stopping her from going to the gym is the doorframe.
Přečíst celý »Things Men Don’t Say
— Let’s watch Lifetime.— Sex is overrated.— I don’t want to go too far on the first date.— Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.— Don’t we owe your mother a visit?— I’m relieved I don’t have a large penis weighing me down.— Dessert goes right to my …
Přečíst celý »The Wrong Way
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!”“It’s not just one car,” said Herman, “It’s hundreds of them!”
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