Lookin’ Good Jokes

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in a honeymoon suite. All night long, the bellboy hears laughing and clapping sounds from their room.The next morning, he asks the old man how he can do it all night at his age.The husband replies, “First, I remove my clothes. Then, …

Reverend Smith visits Mrs. Jenkins, one of the elder parishioners in his church. Reverend Smith notices that on top of Mrs. Jenkins’ organ sits a bowl which contains a condom floating in water.Befuddled, Reverend Smith asks her to explain this.“Oh, Reverend Smith,” she replies, “I found that lying on the …

Every once in a while, I’ll be walking around, going, ‘Look at me! My clothes are kind of baggy. Maybe I am losing weight.’ Turns out — just laundry time. Maybe I shouldn’t wear the same jeans six days in a row.

A punk rocker with acute appendicitis needs immediate surgery.As the nurse preps the punk rocker, she finds that her pubic hair is dyed green with a tattoo above, reading “Keep off the grass.”After the operation, the punk rocker wakes up to find a small note taped to her belly: “Sorry …

Q: Where do lady ghosts go for haircuts? A: The Boo-ty Parlor!

Q: Why did the perv go into Victoria’s Secret? A: The panties were half off.

I think guys know when they’re getting heavy: when you drive over a speed bump and your tits shake.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she needs license plates for her shoes.

If I ever meet God, I have a lot to speak to God about. I want to go, ‘God, I gotta compliment you on the idea of infinite space ’cause it goes on forever. Then, within infinite space, billions of planetary systems that have ecosystems with air and water. And …

Yo’ Mama’s teeth are so busted, each tooth has a sign saying, “One mile to the next tooth.”