Lookin’ Good Jokes

When guys get their hair cut you have to shave the back of their necks because they grow this, like, fur collar. How far down should you shave? It’s not really polite to go, ‘Where’s the line, Sasquatch?’

What with all the cotton black people picked during slavery, seems like we should be able to walk in the mall, and anything that’s 100% cotton, we ought to get for free.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she went to the amusement park, they gave her a group discount.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she got stuck in the great outdoors.

I have one of these bodies that cracks all the time. I move my neck, it cracks — or my elbow, my back. I don’t care, really. I make money on the side as an exotic dancer for the blind.

You go to a Heavy D concert, you will leave satisfied. But you’ll be leaving in five minutes because Heavy does two songs and he’s tired.

I was in the meat department, and I saw a guy in a white coat, blood all over the thing. I said, ‘Excuse me.’ He said, ‘I don’t work here.’

Last time they were visiting, he got pulled over by a cop and, in the middle of getting the ticket, politely disagreed and drove away.

This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up. That’s a good vacation.