Lookin’ Good Jokes

I know I’m not buying anything, and you know I’m not buying anything, but I want to know how much the sh*t I’m not buying costs.

I priced a pair of alligator shoes at $2,000. That’s $1,000 a foot, $200 a toe — add it up.

This girl I work with, she’s like, ‘You know what’s so awesome about you, Marianne? You just don’t care what you look like.’ Thank you?

For a $16,000 watch, that second hand ought to act like a damn second hand. For $16,000 that hand ought to jump off the watch and give you a high-five when your team makes a damn basket.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, her first word was “more.”

You ever go into a store, and they’re watching you? Watching you. White people stealing stuff — walking out with couches, refrigerators, TVs — and all we want is a paper.

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weeklyBetween 33 and 52: Try weekly52 and up: Try weakly

I’m dating this girl so young she thinks Earth, Wind & Fire are Power Rangers.

Guys can always be pigs. Guys can just do anything. You see guys walking along with their pants halfway down so you can see the crack of their butt. That’s the good way to find a mechanic in the city.

Q: What do you call a 90-year-old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.