Marriage Jokes

It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well,” explained the husband, “it all …

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, “If I died, would you remarry?” Peter thought for a second then said “Yeah I guess I would”. Then his the wife asked, “well would you have her as your golfing partner?” Peter replied, “yep …

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don’t work.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again.

What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They’re married.

Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark …