I went to buy a pair of shoes two days ago. Mind you, I think shoe salesmen are idiots. I just want to put that out there. I went to get some shoes, and I said, ‘Could I have these in a 12.’ And he comes back and goes, ‘I …

Yo’ Mama is so poor, her car came with a kickstand.

— The pickup is paid for.— I won this belt buckle in the rodeo.— I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

Yo’ Mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can down the street, and when I asked her what she was doing, she said, “Moving.”

A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, “If you were my husband, I’d poison your drink.” The man replies, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

Yo’ Mama is so poor, my jack-o-lantern gets better dental work then she does.

Yo’ Mama is so poor, the front door and the back door of her house are on the same hinge.

”Did you ever find the guy?” ”What guy?” ”The guy who beat you with the ugly stick!”

Yo’ Mama is so poor, when I put out my cigarette in her kitchen, she yelled, “Who turned off the heat?”

Q: Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?A: Because New Jersey got first pick.