One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, “George, what”s the best thing I can do to help the country?”

Yo’ Mama is so poor, her checks bounce more than the cast of Baywatch.

If I wanted any lip from you, I would jiggle my zipper!

Yo’ Mama is so poor, bath time is a a family thing.

Yo’ Mama is so poor, when she went to take a bath, the roaches made her wait her turn.

Yo’ Mama is so poor, she joined the Army to get a haircut.

Yo’ Mama is so old, Cleopatra signed her high school yearbook, “BFF.”

Yo’ Mama is so old, she has to screw on her underpants around her wrinkles.

Yo’ Mama is so old, her teeth are like stars: they come out at night.

I can’t stand homeless people. I don’t feel bad about saying it. I don’t mind saying it because I give homeless people money. I give them more money than I should, so I feel, as a paying customer, I have a right to complain.