Why did the janitor take early retirement? Because he realized that grime doesn’t pay.

What kind of hair do oceans have? …Wavy hair.

Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your grandma’s bed? Fred: Because I couldn’t find a snake.

My mother-in-law has got so many double chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of pancakes.

Q. Why do bakers work so hard? A. Because they need the dough

After a visit to the circus, Geoff and Don were discussing the thrills and marvels they had seen. “I didn’t think much of the knife thrower, did you?” said Geoff. “I thought he was great!” enthused Don. “Well, I didn’t,” said Geoff. “He kept throwing those knives at that soppy …

What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus? The police made him bring it back again.

A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, “He does it with a mirror” …

A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.

At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, “He got away, sir!” The inspector was furious. “But I told you to put a man on all the exits!” he roared. “How could he have got away?” “He left by one …