Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, Goodyear wanted to fly her over the Super Bowl.

Yo’ Mama is so stupid, she didn’t want the window seat on her flight because she thought the breeze might mess up her hair.

I’m an honest guy. I was on the beach on the way up here, and I saw these two ugly people. I went up to them and said, ‘Hey, you’re not gonna have any kids, are ya? You gotta think ahead.’

Yo’ Mama is so fat, I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

Yo’ Mama is so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch “60 Minutes.”

I went to a gym. They offered me free membership for life if I posed for a ‘don’t let this happen to you’ poster.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, I’ve known her for seven years and still haven’t met yo’ whole mama.

Yo’ Mama is so stupid, she’s as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

Tried to get a little rest before the show. The phone kept ringing — ring, ring, ring, ring — this morning, ring, ring, ring. Pick it up, ‘Hello?’ ‘Hello, is Len there?’ I said, ‘Yeah, this is Len. Who’s this?’ Said, ‘It’s Santa Claus. I’m sorry, did I wake you?’ …