A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, “No pets allowed.”The man replies, “This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you’ll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips.”The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Horsing Around
A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, “I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh.”A man yells, “I’ll take that bet,” and leads the horse into the men’s room.After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Got Grapes?
A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Got any grapes?”Again, the bartender tells him, “No — the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Gator Bite
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Frugal Gorilla
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.The bartender thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change.The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Donkeyboy
Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, “Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink.” The bartender gets him a drink.Bob says, “Donkeyboy, get me another drink.” The bartender gets him another drink.Finally, Jim asks the bartender, “Why does he call you Donkeyboy?”“I don’t know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that.”
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Dog Day Afternoon
A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, “Looks like you are having a bad day.”The guy says, “Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Different Horses
A guy walks into a bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”The guy replies, “Well I’ve got these two horses and I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”The bartender suggests, “Why don’t you try …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Bears on Drugs
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t give beer to bears in bars.”The bear replies, “If you don’t give me a beer, I’ll eat that lady over there.”The bartender says, “Go ahead.”So the bear eats the lady and …
Přečíst celý »Walking in a Doggie Wonderland
To the tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”:Dog tags ring, are you listening’?In the lane, snow is glistening.It’s yellow, not white — I’ve been there tonight,Marking up my winter wonderland.Smell that tree? That’s my fragrance.It’s a sign for wandering vagrants;“Avoid where I pee, it’s my property.Marked up as my …
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