An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise when he sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm. “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”“Chicken wire.”“What you gonna do with that?”“Gonna catch some chickens.”“You damn fool! You can’t catch chickens with …

Once there was a farmer with three sons. He gave a duck to his eldest son and told him to see how much money he could get for it at the market. The eldest son came back later in the day, shouting “Dad, I got $10 for the duck!”The farmer …

As a single person, I think I can admit, sometimes, pickings can be pretty slim. But really, how much beer would you have to drink before you date out of your own species? Call me old fashioned, but I cling to the belief that ‘human’ is an important dating criteria.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that’s a weird dog: he’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.” 50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the …

Q: What does a fish use to get high? A: Seaweed.

Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years.An angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes …

Q: Why did the squirrel lay on its stomach? A: To keep its nuts warm.

What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? “What d’ya know, we do taste like chicken.”

What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut on board. After months of training, they placed all three in the shuttle and prepared for launch.Mission Control Center announced, “This is Mission Control to Monkey One. Do your stuff.”The first monkey began frantically typing and …