Yo’ Mama is so fat, she can’t even jump to a conclusion.

You can’t be gangster with astigmatism. And I love grimy music, but I can’t be a thug. What am I gonna do — rob bookstores?

Yo’ Mama so ugly, when she wore cheese panties, even the rats wouldn’t eat her.

I started wearing glasses, and people started saying I looked smart. I’m like, huh? I ain’t smart; I can’t see! I didn’t go to Harvard; I went to Lens Crafters.

There are simple things I love about a woman. I love it when you smile, especially when you have teeth.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, when she was born, the doctor put her in a bucket of water to see which end would come up for air.

I want to be a thug so bad, but I can’t ’cause I wear glasses. Isn’t that crazy? No one respects my thug-ism because I have astigmatism.

Is there a rule that the older you are in the locker room at the gym, the more naked you have to be?

I had a girlfriend that was 5’11. She wanted to have sex standing up in the shower. I rocked that sh*t. She almost dropped me a couple times, but I rocked that sh*t.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, even the Boogie Man won’t hide under her bed.