Dirty Jokes

I got no special powers. I can turn water into pee, that’s it.

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ”Did you s**t your pants?” ”Hell no,” Jeff said.

What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!

A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence. …

Yo’ Mama has more crabs than Red Lobster.

Yo’ Mama’s breath is so nasty, when she burps, her teeth shiver.

Yo’ Mama is so uptight, when she farts, only dogs can hear it.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, when she walked past the toilet, it flushed itself.

Yo’ Mama is so stupid, she saw a “Wet Floor” sign and did what it said.

Yo’ Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.