Dirty Jokes

Little Johnny has to write a story about someone in his family who does something amazing. The next day, he returns and tells the class that his father eats lightbulbs. “How do you know that?” asks his teacher. “I heard him say it. He and Mom were in the bedroom …

Q: What did the d**k say to the balls? A: “You guys hang around here while I go inside.”

Q: How do crabs leave the hospital? A: On crutches.

A city guy buys a ranch. He sits on the porch of his new house taking in the fresh country air when a dusty truck pulls up.“Howdy, neighbor!” calls the man in the truck. ” I came to invite you to a little Welcome to the Neighborhood party at my …

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: “Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?” Dad: “Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights.” Boy: “So, why do they make packs of three?” Dad: “For the college guys for Friday, …

Q: Why can’t a blonde count to 70?

In some ways, all men are the same. For example, why do you all like to have sex first thing in the morning? Do we smell good first thing in the morning? ‘Cause you don’t.

I don’t really think anybody gets off properly in 69. Matter of fact, I think 69 is rude. It’s rude. It’s like saying to someone, ‘Listen, we’re gonna have sex, right? But we’re gonna go Dutch.’

I’ll show you a new meaning for “sick day.”

Do you mind if my secretary watches?