Food Jokes

— You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.— If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.— The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.— You don’t have to keep in touch with the person who …

A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake. When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints. “Milk baths are good for …

You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you’re already in hot water.

— A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.— You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.— You won’t get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m.— You can make coffee as sweet as you want.— You can get cup after cup of different …

— You can GET chocolate.— Chocolate satisfies even when it’s gone soft.— You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.— You can have chocolate in in public.— If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won’t mind.— The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.— You don’t get hairs in your …

What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

I go running when I have to — like when the ice cream truck is going 60, or I need a lift to the bakery.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:Cheese Sandwich: $1.50Chicken Sandwich: $2.50Hand Job: $10.00He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.“Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”“Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want …

A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. “A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich,” he says to the barman.“I’m sorry, sir,” replies the barman, “we don’t serve food in here.”