Marriage Jokes

John: “I’m a man of few words.” Bill: “I’m married, too.”

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, “I’ve found a woman just like mother!” His father replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not. “Don’t be to mad at Dave,” a friend told her. “He did a terrific job. I’d be glad to …

Wife, opening mail, to spouse: “The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn’t it wonderful that they’re not going to bother us anymore?’

The thrill is gone from my marriage, Brian told his best friend Mike. “Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?” his friend suggested. “But what if my wife finds out?” “Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and …

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.” “But you are not wearing any of those things.” “I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure …

My wife sez that I’m too extravagant; that if anything ever happens to her, I’ll have to beg. I told her I’d be fine. I mean look at all the experience I’ve got.

QUESTION: What is honeymoon? ANSWER: That brief span of time between, “I do” and “You’d better!”

QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six days? ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.